I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
