okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
