Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
