I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
