Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
