Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
