Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mondays should just be called national damage control day
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Randomize
