I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
