i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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