do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
