You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
My life is pants optional.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
