I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize