That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
did you just send me my own nude
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
