This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize
