Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
