Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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