I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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