you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
