You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
