Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
