if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
