I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
