dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
