i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
