Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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