So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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