I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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