yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
