based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
