just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Randomize
