would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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