3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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