You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
i now understand why vodka
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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