we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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