my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
