Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Ladies don't puke and tell
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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