My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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