I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
