I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
