He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
