um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
