i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
