You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
