aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
