so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
