He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
