I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
