Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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