I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
