Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
