why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
