pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
