You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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