According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
