i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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