did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
