Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
