I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize