For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
