Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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