what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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