i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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