Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
