You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
