I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
