Only a mothe r could love this liver
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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