Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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